26 Jun 2013

the future...

Over the weekend Mitch and I had a good old chat about The Future. And not in a science fiction type way. I'm not talking about the rise of the machines, a zombie apocalypse or even the polar ice caps melting. I'm talking about the rather immediate future which, depending on how you look at it, could be just as terrifying as facing an unknown opponent in the Thunderdome.

So who is the adversary in this 'Future'?

The answer is Time. Isn't it always?

I find myself at 26 in a good job that I mostly enjoy, living in a part of London that I love, surrounded by the best network of family and friends I could possible want and in a relationship with a bloody great man who I love more than anything. So what's the problem? It's very much a first world problem (perhaps I should've called this post that) and I am so so v.grateful for all those things listed above but! There's always a but. The chat at the weekend left me feeling rather overwhelmed. You see, there's going to come a time (not far off) that I'll be thinking about kids (yes, I want them) which is a pretty big deal - some might say the biggest deal there is - but there's also the fact that there is so much I haven't done and really really want to do before that time. It's crazy to think that 100 years ago (or probably less) that women weren't afforded the luxury of choice (and actually, thinking about, there's places in the world today where they still don't). But I, living in London in the 21st Century, do. And because I have this choice, I feel I really should get it right. It's a weird kind of pressure that I (perhaps with a little help from society) seem to have placed upon myself - along with the pressure to get on the property ladder, save enough money to get on said ladder, but also to save-up and travel - see some of the world whilst I'm young and in good health. And it all sounds amazing - but is there enough time? Or, am I just the girl who wants it all? Or, (and quite probably) am I just over thinking/over planning everything?

I love distant future planning with Mitch - we're both a couple of dreamers at heart, with sincere intentions to get stuff done - but suddenly the future doesn't seem so distant. What I've realised, and what I'm ultimately daunted by, is the fact that I'm going to have to disrupt the lovely balance that's currently in place. Because I can't save for anything whilst paying rent. Because I'm not really in a job where I would, when the time comes, be able to rely on maternity pay. Things are going to have to change in order for 'future Annie' to cash in on all the things I want to do. Worrying is one of my greatest faults and worrying about the future is both an arse and completely pointless. At least the reasonable part of me knows that but for the moment thinking ahead is tough and I was never any good at chess.

Does anyone else have future talks and freak out about time, or is it just me?


  1. I freak out about time a lot too, I think it's only natural and definitely a given for most of your twenties. I worry mostly about work, but feel very lucky that everything else is pretty nicely in place. That said, I also try to appreciate everything I do have and have faith that all the other things will work out just fine x

  2. Oh heck yes, I have existential freak-outs all the time. Am I on the right career path? Did I even study the right thing? Should I have more money saved? Should I have started a pension already? Should I have travelled more? Gah! It's hard not to compare yourself with where friends are in life too, especially when they're quite different to you in terms of career/experience. I think probably everybody makes compromises somewhere - unfortunately, it probably isn't possible to save enough for lots of travels AND for a house deposit. But then I think we do all need to get hung up on it less - there's nothing to say you can't be renting a house when you have a family (in other countries buying your house is more unusual), or that you won't go travelling after you have kids, or retrain into a different career later in life. The end of your twenties isn't the end of the world! (says the almost-26 year old, gulp).


Ta v.much :)

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